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Plankton (1994) Review

There’s quite distinctly something fishy going on. Idiot kids out on a boat get buggered in a storm, find themselves on a big abandoned boat that has seemingly been used for scientific research on fish. Those pesky scientists, you just know they’ve made a nightmare. What can I really say?

The dialogue is crap, the dubbing is crap, the acting is crap, the plot is crap, the characters are crap….but the result is kind of great!

Seeing weird genetic experiments on fish, the dumb kids fry up some fish they find in the fridge for dinner. Great idea that is. Even the frozen fish coming to life in the frying pan doesn’t deter those stupid kids from chowing down on modified mackerel for dinner.

Await the gut aches and strange shenanigans to follow.

Man turns into a fish type thing whilst fucking a lady. She’s loving it until she opens her eyes, maybe the transformation added tickly fins to lover boys trouser halibut.

Woman gives birth to a load of fish eggs and gets all broody over them. The price of caviar is going up, who can blame her.

Someone grows some funky looking plastic crap claws and waves them about a bit, molesting a mans leg with lobster love along the way.

Still, there’re always plenty of women out there as one character tells another after his pregnant wife to be shoots herself in the face with a speargun.

And there are loads of weird sequences, presumably through the eyes of one of the mutated fishes – they look rather like the camera got stuffed up someones arse and then said human camera tripod staggered about for 5 seconds with his buttocks bared to the world.

It’s a bloody minor masterpiece, that’s what it is. The gore swings between great (in that over the top Italian eighties way), and tacky shit that was done with a dead cod and some crap that came free in a Kinder Egg.

There is not one positive thing to say about it really – but it somehow manages to be good.

Give it a watch if you can find it. Don’t pay a lot for it, you’ll only want to watch it once, but it is a fine example of how a movie that has just about nothing going in its favor can manage to make for a fun view.

Movie Details

Director: Al Passeri
Writer: Richard Baumann
Actors: Ann Wolf, Sharon Twomey, Laura di Palma, Clay Rogers
Release Year: 1994
AKA: Creatures from the Abyss