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Something Beneath (2007) Review

Kevin Sorbo, far better known for being Hercules, trades goatskin loincloth and mythical monster slaying for a priests collar and ecological beast bashing in this muddled and confused effort which has just about enough going for it that even its huge amount of flaws cannot ruin things altogether.

Rich git building country conference center for other rich gits ignores scientists warning of eco shit. Yer doomed I tells ye, doomed!. And lo, turns out there’s a critter living underneath the planned development area, said critter oozing black goop that makes people hallucinate. Cut to opening day, shit dripping out the taps, few people going nuts, and good ole Herc…err PRIESTULES! and his cutesy female helper to the rescue.

If I started with good points to the movie, I’d be here a long time thinking of anything to say – there’s really not much that stands out, but somehow it did manage to be somewhat watchable. There, that’s the good dealt with. Don’t let the rest of the review put you off, it’s worth a watch despite all the faults, of which there are many.

The theme of black goop causing hallucinations ends up working out confusingly on screen, with cuts to hallucinations, back again, blah de blah, it all leaves one feeling a little confuddled. Not always mind you, some do work, but in other places you’ll be left looking at it with a WTF expression on your simple face. And, the plot weaves about a bit, sometimes you’ll be wondering if it’s you that’s gone crazy, some shit just makes no fuckin’ sense at all, even though really it’s about as simple and formulaic as you can get.

There’re also some weird sequences where it looks like the goop entered somebodies body parasite style and took them over – you know, eyes going black etc – but nothing ever happens with this, I guess it was another hallucination. Christ, I’m beginning to wonder if I fell asleep and hallucinated the whole film.

When we finally get to see the monster, it’s a total letdown too, a weird looking piece of shit with tentacles and some fiendish imps cock for a head. It looks false and out of place with the rest of the movies more clinical style, like someone took a huge shit which festered away in the darkness before an intrepid cameraman stumbled upon it and decided to share it with us.

Don’t even get me started on the faith conquers all bollocks that developed later in the movie either, screw that, I mean Jesus fecking Christ, who needs it. Just give us a good old fashioned eco movie, horrid monster created by mankind’s stupidity, we’ll lap it up, but keep the fecking almighty out of it.

But, other than all those little rants, and many others that I have omitted, it’s not too bad, you won’t be bored shitless at least. And, the dude hallucinating himself into the House of the Dead game was kinda groovy.

Movie Details

Director: David Winning
Writers: Mark Mullin, Ethlie Ann Varie
Actors: Kevin Sorbo, Natalie Brown, Peter MacNeill, Brendan Beiser
Release Year: 2007