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Top 10 tips for surviving a Halloween haunted house

10 Tips to Conquer Your Fear and Survive Any Haunted House

Your Guide to Emerging From the Screaming Abyss With Your Dignity Intact

Halloween is here, and you’re geared up for the ultimate fright fest – a haunted house. But as the line inches closer, your bravado starts to melt like cheap Halloween candy. Don’t worry! With these 10 tips, you’ll not only survive the experience but also emerge as the hero of your group, laughing in the face of fear (or at least faking it really well).

Before You Enter the Abyss:

  1. Choose Your Squad Wisely: Surrounding yourself with scaredy-cats will only amplify your own fear. Pick friends who are a good mix of brave and funny. A little laughter in the face of terror goes a long way.
  2. Fuel Your Fearlessness: A growling stomach will only make the scares worse. Grab a decent meal before entering the haunted house. After all, you need your energy for all the screaming you’re about to do.
  3. Dress for the Occasion: Leave the fancy dress at home. Opt for comfortable clothing and shoes that allow for quick escapes (from both monsters and potential spills).
  4. Remember: It’s All Fake!: The ghouls and ghosts are just actors in elaborate costumes. Remind yourself constantly that it’s not real. Repeat after me: “It’s not real, it’s not real…”

Navigating the Nightmare:

  1. Stay Aware of Your Surroundings: Pay attention to where you’re going! Tripping over a stray prop or bumping into a fellow scaredy-cat is a surefire way to become the monster’s main course.
  2. Don’t Be the Hero: Leading the pack might seem brave, but it also makes you the prime target for jump scares. Let someone else be the bait while you observe the scare tactics.
  3. Embrace the Darkness: Haunted houses are designed to disorient you. Let your eyes adjust to the low light instead of frantically searching for the exit. Remember, the monsters can see you even if you can’t see them.
  4. Scream Strategically: Screaming is inevitable, but don’t waste all your energy on the first few scares. Save your best screams for the truly terrifying moments. Think of it as a scream budget.
  5. Keep a Sense of Humor: Laughter is your best weapon against fear. Find the humor in the over-the-top scares and cheesy special effects. Plus, a good laugh will help calm your nerves.

Emerging Victorious:

  1. Brag About Your Bravery: You made it out alive! Now it’s time to exaggerate your bravery and regale your friends with tales of your near-death experiences. Remember, in the land of haunted houses, the best story wins.

So, there you have it! Your ultimate guide to conquering the horrors of any haunted house. Go forth, brave souls, and remember to have fun (and try not to pee your pants).

Now, tell us about your most memorable haunted house experience in the comments below! Did you scream? Did you laugh? Did you lose your lunch? We want to hear all about it!